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Name a Star |
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Author: John Eadon Name a Star
In one respect, we might think that to name a star is materialistic, pretentious, or just downright silly. We can't literally "own" a stellar mass; we can't ever visit it or hold it or show it off in a glass cabinet of collectibles or hard-earned trophies. But I another respect, to name a star is a magical, unique act, an act relegated only to discovering scientists and astronomers before this our advanced and spoiled century (or decade or so).
I would never have thought of it as a possibility up until a few years ago. I, like many, I suppose, thought stars were named by astronomers and night sky devotees who spent years, even decades, staring at one particular patch of canopy until they found a star no one else had before found or identified. But a few years ago, when I was voluntarily resigning from a job that was nutty but that had many dear colleagues and coworkers, I wanted to give a special gift to those with whom I had survived staff meetings, conflicts among the higher-ups, actual floods (in great rooms with hundreds of plugged in computers), and more.
We had over the ten years I was there already gifted each other with foods, material items, and books and videos and other art and technology essentials or luxuries. We had already made gifts. We had already run out of special, funny, entertaining, unique presentation techniques. And we had honored each other in the most sober and most spiritual of ways in public and in private. You know, we did the surprise parties, the one-time jewelry-giving, the anniversary performances and programs, and more.
I wanted to "give" the people with whom I had spent more of my waking hours with than any other people on the planet something grand, something with a statement, something, well, of planetary importance and worth, if you will.
I don't know how I came upon the name a star website, but I was brilliantly intrigued and relieved when I did. For fifty dollars each, I could name a star after each friend, type in a note to be included, and have delivered to each much loved, respected, revered person a map of the night sky with his/her star circled, a gift card, and an explanation of the gift.
My friends were absolutely faklempt. Speechless. And pleased that in my name a star card I had said that whenever I needed to, I could always look up in the night sky and see them. Okay, maybe a little hokey in the extended metaphor and sentiment department, but what do you expect from one who was overworked, underpaid, and underappreciated…by everyone save those dear coworkers who were left to suffer the same for a few more years? At least they will have a symbolic connection not only to me but, interestingly enough, to the program we ran together which was named the STAARS program—long before I discovered this great star-naming idea. And at least they can feel a little better that they are—to me—stars.
Who wouldn't want to name a star? We've been looking up at the stars with wonder every night ever since we evolved eyes, and we've been naming them different things ever since we evolved the ability (and desire) to name things. Now you can actually pay money and 'officially' name a star anything you want so long as its within a 39 letter limit.
The idea to charge money to name a star is pretty brilliant you have to admit. The right to name a star is a product that costs the seller absolutely nothing, and is actually not there's to sell in the first place. Anyone can look up at the sky and name a star for free, its pretty much a God given right. A company that is making a decent living selling people something they already have is a pretty smart company.
Though they make is sound very official and widely recognized, when you name a star through one of these star naming companies it isn't in anyway official at all, and is a purely symbolic gesture that no one will ever know about. While it's a romantic idea to name a star after the one you love, its going to pretty much be only you and the person you love that knows about it.
What you are really paying for when you pay to name a star is a piece of paper that acts as a kind of certificate, proving that you paid money to name a star. You can even pay more money to have this trophy to your own stupidity framed so you can mount it on a wall for everyone to see. You have to love this deal; you pay anywhere from 30 to 70 dollars, and you get a piece of paper saying that you paid somewhere between 30 and 70 dollars.
If I ever get the urge to name a star, I think I'll just point up at the sky and do it myself; it'll save me some money, and will be a small step in preserving paper for a more important use somewhere else.
Having said all that, one of these days I'm going to pay the fee and name a star 'I Hate Microsoft' just for the heck of it. It's well within the 39 letter limit, and might just go a long way in helping me express my pent up rage toward the software giant, which could in turn save me the expense of much needed therapy down the road.
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